The Product Poet

From Death Within

We all know Death. She touches us in different ways. Death can come quickly... ...or be quite prolonged. We all know her. We cannot escape Death. Despite new advances. Or new medications... ...we are not resistant. We cannot escape her. We try to fight Death. Struggling to hold on. Another fleeting moment... ...with you at my side. We cannot fight her. We give...
An Ode to P&G

An Ode To P&G: Your Amazing Brands, Fulfill My Demands.

An Ode to P&G: Your Amazing Brands, Fulfill My Demands Eighteen Thirty Seven ‘Twas a very good year; A partnership was born Eliciting great cheer. How I love thee, my P&G. One making candles The other making soap; As Procter and Gamble Making products they’d hope. How I love thee, my P&G. The beautiful Norris daughters Would bring these two...
An Ode to Twinkies, The Product Poet

An Ode to Twinkies

When sales did plunge, away went my sponge. A baker named, James Dewar Searching for a good reason; To use the idle ovens Outside strawberry season. When sales did plunge, away went my sponge. On an April day In Nineteen Thirty; An invention was made He dubbed it Twinkie. When sales did plunge, away went my sponge. At first it was banana That...
I Miss You so Bazooka Joe

I miss you so, Bazooka Joe.

I miss you so, Bazooka Joe. When I was a young lad To the drugstore I'd go; To buy some bubblegum To buy Bazooka Joe. The Bazooka Joe Gang And their misadventures; My quick daily escape Always a new venture. There was Pesty and Mort Hungry Herman and Jane; Walkie Talkie and Toughie The Gang mostly stayed the same. From kitschy merchandise To...

An Ode to Dr. Seuss: Happy Birthday

I do love him, I do deduce. My tears they flow, drawn through a sluice. I do miss our Dr. Seuss. Could I have met him here or there? I would have met him here or there. I would have met him anywhere. My tears they flow, down through a sluice. I do miss our Dr. Seuss. Wish I met him I espouse? Wishing...

Pops: A Father I Hardly Knew

The joy of a son Looking up to his father Not understanding his words I tried not to bother. I was perhaps, two or three When this man, previously Suddenly and abruptly Walked out on me. Not understanding What it was about I proceeded to wail I proceeded to pout. I looked in my Mom’s eyes My tears were quite wetter She gave me...

An Ode to Doc Pemberton

An Ode to John Stith "Doc" Pemberton Eighteen Thirty One A wonderful year; On a hot Georgian night The Doc did premier. An unshaven lad Without a cool stash; A Colonel he'd be Until a bad gash. A druggist he would become Coca wine he would then mix; Pemberton's French Wine Coca The Georgians' became transfixed. Then along came Frank Robinson Not the famous...

An Ode to Downy

Nineteen sixty one A very good year; You were introduced To much fanfare cheer. My laundry confession, my laundry...

Bazooka Candy, I find You Dandy

A Valentine's Day Poem for Bazooka Candy. Nineteen forty seven 'Twas a very good year, A new candy was born The world let out a cheer. Without an introduction Or limited production, The world came to know Our Bazooka Joe. In Nineteen Fifty Three The world did laugh with glee, With great comic strips Of short pithy quips. Over sixty five years Have come...

My Tide Washes, my Tide Cleans

A tribute to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Tide and Downy. My Tide washes, my Tide cleans My stains are squashed, my soft blue jeans; My laundry room baskets galore The folder folding one stack more, And my Tide washes, my Tide cleans. Darkness settles within my house Downy did I add, does call my spouse; The little beads, with amazing scent Thought to myself, from...

I Do Decree, My Fondness For KDWB

In June of '92, the Twin Cities was blessed, A morning show born, I was quite impressed. A new voice we heard, his name was Dave Ryan, He wasn't from Minnesota, but he sure was tryin'. Over the years, there was Crisco, Lena and a gal named Lee, Angi, Cory, but now there's just three. But with Dave, Steve-O and Falen Bonsett, We are...

A Mother’s Pride: An Ode to Tide.

When I was young and just a lad, A loving mother, indeed I had. So many lessons, my mother has taught, Like which products we used, which ones we bought. "To help you clean, your filthy duds, Turn to Tide, they're the Ocean of Suds." I said to my mother, very satirical, "Is that because Tide, is the Washing Miracle?" "No silly,"...

An Apocalyptic Poem For My Friends at Procter and Gamble

Twas the night before the Apocalypse, I roamed through the house. I was nervously worrying, I kept up my spouse. As the laundry was washed, with my precious Tide, Indeed I stocked up, if the Mayan calendar abides. The kids were in bed, showered with their Ivory Soap, I counted down the hours, "No Apocalyse," I said, as I hoped. While my mate...